The Professor Goose Collection
by Angel Ally
Summary: Harry and Ron find a hidden book in the library. Well thats all good and dandy. Until they find out something odd ...
1. Chapter 1: My Love Dobby?

"What," groaned Ron, "Is the point of a library if theres nothing to read?"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and continued to read The Oracle, though there was no point as she no longer attended Divination.  
  
"Hey," called Harry suddenly from behind a shelf of dusty tombs. Ron wandered over to where Harry was crouched, felling under the bookshelf. He gave a yell of triumph as his hand collided with something, earning a load 'Shush!' from Madam Pince, the librarian. He pulled out the object, and they both peered down at the dusty cover of a thick volume.  
  
"Whats the title?" asked Ron excitedly, brushing the dust of the hard board.  
  
Professor Goose Collection - Part One  
  
"Well," suggested Harry, "Whe've nothing better to do, lets read it!" And the pulled back the cover and read the first page.  
  
'Cinder-fella'  
  
'Once apon a time in a mansion far far away their lived a house-elf Princess named Dobby. He was always forced to do the cleaning for his two ugly owners, Narcissa and Lucius, and their ugly son, Draco. Princess Dobby was very unhappy while he cleaned.  
  
Then one day, a letter arrived ...'  
  
"What on earth?" interrupted Harry, "how did Dobby get involved?"  
  
"Never mind that, how did those slimy gits get in?"  
  
"Maybe if we carry on reading we'll find out." said Harry, who began to start off again.  
  
'... by owl from Hogwarts, a famous wizarding school. "Dear Mr, Mrs and Master Malfoy," it read, "you have been invited to the Hogwarts Yule ball this December. Please come, we await your reply with your lovely Tawny within five days. Yours faithfully, Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster."  
  
The Malfoys decided they wanted to go, but they refused to allow Princess Dobby to go and attend the ball. So as they left, Dobby scrubbed at the banisters, slowly sobbing.  
  
"Oh," he whimpered, "I wish I could go to the ball too,"  
  
Suddenly there was a blinding flash and a boy with bright green eyes and messy black hair apparated before him, wearing a tutu ...'  
  
"Okay, this is seriously freaky," murmered Harry, "How did I get into this. And whats so funny?" he scowled, watching Ron curl up double, wheezing with laughter.  
  
"Harry ... in ... tutu ...." he gasped, still laughing uncontrollably.  
  
"Oh, shut up! I'll curse you, I know some good ones. You'll be in a tutu if you don't stop it!"  
  
Ron wen quiet instantly, though he still chuckled. Harry continued.  
  
'"Harry Potter sir!" cried the elf, bowing, "what are you doing here?"  
  
"I am your fairy godwizard," said Harry, waving his wand, "and I am here to take you to the ball!"  
  
The Princess gasped, "Really? Oh thank you! But wait," he surveyed himself in the broken mirror, "I have nothing to wear!" But Harry simply flicked his wand, and suddenly Dobbys raggy pillowcase had been replaced with a georgous pink dress.  
  
"Wow! Thank you!" said Dobby happily, hugging Harry round the neck, "But how will I get there?" But with a swish and flick, a army boot flew into the air and turned into a beautiful camoflaged carriage. Dobby climbed in and rode off to Hogwarts.  
  
When he arrived, Princess Dobby entered the great hall and found a beautiful ball comensing. He looked around, and someone met his eye - Prince Ronald, King Arthur Weasleys son.'  
  
Here, Harry began to laugh - first as a mere chuckle, but gradually worse untill he was gasping for breath. Ron bared his teeth and scowled at the book, his ears so red they looked ready to explode with steam at any second.  
  
"Shut up and you I wont place you under the cruciatus curse." Ron growled softly and menacingly. Harry cesed laughing, though he was ready to start again.  
  
'Prince Ronald noticed Princess Dobby and walked up to him. "May I have this dance?" he asked formaly, as the Wierd Sisters began a crazy rock single from behind, hurting Dobbys ears.  
  
"I'd love to," he replied, and they wlked onto the dance floor and began dancing and blundering around like enraged, demented nodding dogs, grabbing some guitars and scratching the strings while bobbing their heads up and down. When the song finished, the Prince knelt down next to the Princess, held out a sock and whispered, "Princess Dobby, will you marry me?"   
  
"Yes!" cried Dobby, pulling on the sock, and they lived happily ever after."  
  
By the end of this chapter Harry and Ron were gobsmacked.  
  
"Okay, thats wierd..." said Ron cautiously, "Whats the next chapter?"  
  
"Its called Hansel and Neville." replied Harry, checking the contents.  
  
"After this, theres just one question," said Ron,  
  
"Shall we read it?" 


	2. Chapter 2: Run Away Neville!

A/N: Sorry Ron!  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing to do with the characters so far in this story do not belong to me, but to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury and Scholastic. Though I wish it all belonged to me, then I wouldn't waste time putting a disclaimer anyway ...  
  
*  
  
Ron and Harry exchanged glances, wondering what the next chapter would hold. Would they be stars or not?  
  
Suddenly, in the distance the bell for the next lesson rang out loud and shrill. As Hermione packed up her work and left, Ron slipped the book into his satchel before heading off to History of Magic.  
  
*  
  
Part Two - Hansel and Neville  
  
While Professor Binns droned endlessly in the background, Harry and Ron, and the furthest from front desk, lay the Professor Goose book across their knees. Harry turned the first page and they read,  
  
'In a hut at Hogwarts far far away there lived two children called Hansel and Neville. They lived with their gran and Hagrid, and every morning gran would go out to buy ingredients to make cookies with, and Hagrid would tidy the grounds. Hansel and Neville were left in the hut, and one day they went to wander in the Forbidden Forest.'  
  
"Poor Hagrid," whispered Ron, "he's in it too!"  
  
"What is it with this book?"  
  
'They walked for many hours, until finally they came to a little cottage. It looked lovely, and was made up completely of sweets! The children ran up through the little gate and began munching the soft sugary walls and fished out chocolate frogs in the pond. Hansel drank the pumpkin juice from the fountain while Neville knocked on the door. A sliding slit above the door pulled back, and two fathomless, pityless grey eyes stared back at him.  
  
"Why, its some children," croned the voice, sounding pleased, "Come in, do come in!" The door opened, and a man with gresy black hair pulled into two buns and a hooked nose wearing a long grey dress grinned down at Neville.'  
  
"Arghhh!!!!" yelled Ron.  
  
"Not Snape! Run Nev, RUN!!!" shouted Harry. Neville (and the rest of the class) turned to stare at them.  
  
"Why should I run?" enquired Neville, looking at them as though they were mental.  
  
"Err..." stammered Harry.  
  
Professor Binns looked up from his textbook, "10 points from Gryffindor, Mr Woosey, Mr Plonker."  
  
"Sorry." murmered Ron. Professor Binns went back to his lecture, and as the rest of the class turned away the pair continued to read.  
  
'The man led the children inside, slammed the door and locked it. He beared down on them, his eyes glittering maliciously.  
  
"Tell me, Longbottom, what do you weigh?" he asked, blocking the kitchen door. Neville hesitated.  
  
"Urm ... five stone, why do you ..." But before he finished his reply, the wizard seized him by the scruff of the neck and kicked open the stove. He chucked the kicking Neville into the stove, slammed the door shut and began to turn the heat dial when Hansel began hitting him with a broomstick over the head. The man backed away, and while he did so, Neville was freed from the oven. He and his brother climbed onto the broom and they flew away, the man shouting and sulking. And they lived, though shocked, happily ever after.'  
  
"And the next chapter is ..." Harry flicked the pages of the novel, "... Sleeping Snooty."  
  
"Gawd, sounds like Hermione all over!" whispered Ron under his breath.  
  
"Reckon we should see what the chapter holds?"  
  
"I think we ..."  
  
A/N: I know I missed out the bit where Hansel and Neville should of been fattened up, but I couldn't be bothered at the time. Sorry - do forgive me! 


End file.
